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Test Your Driving Knowledge

January 19th, 2012 Leave a comment Go to comments

I compiled a few questions in my own, special way just to pick your brain a little and to entertain that young, special reader who asked me to teach them how to drive. Please note that this is in NO way a substitute for reading your state’s driver’s manual. You’ll want to go through that thing a few dozen times before and after your permit test…it’s well worth it.

*Note: The below questions are based off of information in the PA Driver’s Manual*

The answers are at the very bottom of this article. No cheating!

1) Last night, your kid brother discovered a way to make Pokémon come to life. They ended up escaping for a short while. Pikachu used Thundershock on the transformers in your street (it was super effective) and knocked out the power. Your kid brother managed to contain the rampaging yellow menace by using Blastoice’s Ice Beam, but it’s morning and the power is still out. So you’re driving down the street and come to a stoplight, but alas, no power. What do you do?

This is what a rampaging Pikachu looks like.

A) Sit and wait for a repair crew to fix it.

B) Continue through the intersection at a slow speed, proceeding with caution.

C) Stop at the intersection as if it were a four-way stop sign.

D) Call 911 and report the power outage but leave out the part where Pikachu put a thirty foot hole in the side of your house.

E) Go back home and chastise your brother for using a water Pokémon to subdue an electric Pokémon. Everyone knows that it’s not very effective.

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2) Some wacko who watches way too much football decided to hack into the street lights in your neighborhood so that they continuously blink yellow to honor their football team. You suspect it’s the overweight guy running up and down your street shirtless wearing body paint and waving a towel that is supposedly terrible but you decide not to jump to conclusions, people do that all the time. You approach a stop light blinking yellow. You…

Assuming you’ve already lost your lunch…

A) Drive through normally, with caution.

B) Drive through slowly, with caution.

C) Stop as if it were a four-way stop sign.

D) Stop traffic to tell the shirtless guy that it’s snowing and probably not in his best interest to be outside without clothes on.

E) Support your sports team by activating your four way flashers…after all, they do blink yellow too.

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3) Car “A” reaches an intersection shortly before Car “B”. They are both stopped at stop signs. Car “A” is on Car “B”‘s left. They both sit for while trying to figure out who should go. You notice that the drivers of Cars “C”, “D”, “E”, and “F” are starting to shout obscenities. Who do you think needs to go first?

You should still probably stop when the lights go down in the city.

A) You’re late for your AA meeting, someone should just go already!

B) Car “B” is on the right so they should go first. The driver on the left (A) yields to the driver on the right (B).

C) Car “A” is on the left so they should go first. The driver on the right (B) yields to the driver on the left (A).

D) They should both go at the same time to see which one has the better insurance company.

E) Car “A”, they got there first…nanny nanny poo poo.

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4) You’re on your way to the movies to see Twilight for the eighth time because you can’t get enough of sparkly vampires. You notice large yellow signs with black arrows on them ahead. You rack your brain and remember that they are called chevron signs. Chevron signs indicate what?

This is a Chevron Sign.

A) There an intersection ahead and you’re not allowed to turn in the direction of the arrows.

B) Ignore them, some hotshot artist probably put them there.

C) An army base full of Privates is coming up, some idiot just put the signs sideways.

D) There’s a steep curve ahead.

E) It’s a sign that the seventh chevron is locked in. Woooosh.

F) There’s an intersection ahead and due to construction, you need to turn in the direction of the arrows.

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5. Willie is taking ALF driving. Willie tries to explain to ALF that due to the design of a motor vehicle, there are areas beside and behind the driver where pedestrians and other vehicles go unseen. ALF, knowing everything, responds with…

Break…it’s the one on the right, right?

A) Willie, Willie, Willie…I’ve already checked my Zero Spots.

B) Invisible Spots? No problem!

C) Have you checked the back of your head lately? Now THERE’s a Blind Spot.

D) I once knew a calico that had spots…turns out they really do taste like chicken.

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6. Aliens have invaded and you’re trying to get out of town. Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum are on their way up to the mothership to plant a computer virus and save humanity but you’re not taking any chances. On your way, you come across the following sign. What does it mean?

You opened up your eyes and saw this sign when you realized that life is sometimes demanding without understanding.

A) There’s a woman with dangerous curves ahead.

B) There’s an alien with dangerous curves ahead.

C) Two lanes are about to merge into one, proceed with caution.

D) There’s construction on the bridge ahead.

E) There’s a narrow bridge or underpass ahead.

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7. You’re driving along happily jamming to Beethoven when you come across signs hanging over each lane. The sign hanging above your lane shows a steady yellow X. The sign to your right shows a steady green arrow pointing down. The one to your left is a steady red X. What do you do?

Turn my *** up, that’s what you can do.

A) All of these X’s can only mean that there is an adult movie store ahead so you speed up.

B) Stay in your lane.

C) Merge into the lane on your right.

D) Merge into the lane on your left.

E) Get out and walk.

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8. A dangerous probe threatens to destroy the Federation and Earth (again). Kirk and company have traveled back to the twenty-first century this time to bring two narwhals into the future and are forced to get around via automobile. Kirk notices that all the road signs have different colors and wants to know what the green ones mean. Spock turns to him and says…

“Captain, you are an excellent starship commander. But as a taxi driver, you leave much to be desired.”

A) They are warning signs.

B) They are regulatory signs and must be obeyed.

C) They are guide signs.

D) They are park and recreation signs.

E) It’s not easy being green.

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9. Mario is riding his kart down a single lane road and notices that the middle line separating him from the oncoming traffic to his left is solid yellow. He’s in second place and coming up on Donkey Kong fast. What would the solid yellow line indicate to Mario?

For the record, being caught with a bomb-omb in your vehicle is a criminal offense.

A) That passing at any time is allowed.

B) That passing is not allowed.

C) That he should fire the blue shell already.

D) That passing is allowed so as long as there is no oncoming traffic.

E) That passing is allowed only if you are driving at least 5 mph faster than the car / kart you are passing.

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10. Einstein is driving his 2008 Honda Civic through downtown Lawrenceville and notices a sign shaped like a pentagon. He was going too fast to read it properly. Being a math whiz, he knows a pentagon is a five sided trapezoid. What would the sign have said, knowing this?

If you come across a sign that looks like this, you’ve gone too far.

A) Railroad Crossing Ahead.

B) Hazards Ahead.

C) “No-Passing” Zone.

D) School Zone or School Crossing Ahead.

E) If you can read this, you don’t need glasses.

F) A government building is ahead. Turn around.

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11. Indiana Jones is at it again. He managed to take back the artifact from the Temple of Frosted Shredded Wheat but is being chased by pigmies. He’s escaping via jeep and notices the below sign. What does it mean?

I was unable to find a picture worthy enough to capture the thought of a temple made of Frosted Shredded Wheat.

A) There’s a series of curves ahead.

B) The road is slippery when wet.

C) Don’t drive drunk.

D) Swerve to avoid falling boulders.

E) Turn the Indiana Jones Theme song up!

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12. You’re driving your mother to her bingo game when she suddenly chastises you for not following the four-second rule. You rack your brain, remembering that the four-second rule is…

All good moms follow the four-second rule.

A) The amount of time a burger patty can be on the ground before it is technically, “bad.”

B) The amount of time it takes to clearly see the driver in front of you in his rear view mirror.

C) The amount of time it should take for your speedometer to reach the next increment of 5, preventing people from speeding up too quickly.

D) The amount of time it takes for you to pass an object the car in front of you just passed.

E) The amount of time you should put your blinker on ahead of time before making a turn.

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13. Mangy Bronzebeard, a Dwarf Hunter from Ironforge, somehow found himself in Pennsylvania after leaving his favorite tavern. He’s about to hop on his mount to find the next tavern but doesn’t know if he’s too drunk to drive. What is the PA legal limit in regards to driving under the influence of alcohol?

We’re not in Azeroth any more, Toto.

A) .07

B) .08

C) .09

D) .10

E) “I like my women like I like my beer: stout and bitter.”

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14. Pete and Myka are chasing someone who has an artifact using Artie’s car. Pete pulls up to the curb and Myka exclaims, “Pete! You’re not at least ____ inches from the curb!” What is the maximum number of inches you can be from the curb after parking?

“You do realize H.G. is getting away, right?”

A) 8 inches

B) 10 inches

C) 12 inches

D) 16 inches

E) 24 inches

F) Who cares? It’s Artie’s car.

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15. You’re playing Grand Theft Auto 39 on your Playstation 6 and come across an empty, parked corvette. Naturally, there’s only one thing you can do. After stealing the car, you approach a school bus sitting in the oncoming lane with its red lights flashing and arm extended. The middle line is solid yellow. Do you have to stop and if so, how many feet away should you stop from the bus?

If you happen to pass a school bus that looks like this, reduce your caffeine intake.

A) Yes, you have to stop. 8 feet away.

B) Yes, you have to stop. 10 feet away.

C) No, you don’t have to stop as the middle line is a solid yellow color.

D) You’ve already stolen a corvette, who the hell cares at this point?

E) No, since you’re in the oncoming lane all you need to do is slow down and be cautious.

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Answers:

1. C 2. B 3. E 4. D 5. C 6. E 7. C 8. C 9. B 10. D 11. B 12. D 13. B 14. C 15. B

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