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Star Trek: Boldly Going Where No Tailor Has Gone Before

November 4th, 2011 Leave a comment Go to comments

When Starfleet needs to put its best foot forward, they turn to a color blind tailor that has trouble figuring out how to fold a piece of paper. Seriously, I couldn’t find one redeeming Star Trek dress uniform out of the ones I recalled from memory with the exception of one that really wasn’t meant to be a dress uniform. Maybe you might have a different opinion…

Star Trek Enterprise Jonathan Archer

Star Trek: Enterprise

It didn’t happen often, but Captain Archer did sport a dress uniform every now and again. Put a sailor hat on his head and shove a pipe in his mouth and boom…he’s getting the snot beat out of him until he finds a questionably old can of spinach.

The Original Series Dress Uniform

Star Trek: The Original Series

There are similarities to the original uniform, except for that annoying gold line running right down the middle (way to make the zipper obvious) and those cheap plastic medals they have stapled to their left breast. It’s like a two-year old took one of those old light brights and stuck a different color peg in every hole. Blech.

Star Trek Scotty Dress Uniform

Star Trek: The Original Series

I have mixed feelings about this. I’m not a fan of kilts…all it takes is a strong breeze and you suddenly have the X-rated version of Braveheart. Still, Scotty is rockin the joint nonetheless.

Star Trek The Next Generation Dress Uniform

Star Trek: The Next Generation

Someone got really literal when they were asked to design a “dress uniform”. Real men wear dresses after all. Number One, set course for awkward silences, warp eight, and quit staring at my legs!

Star Trek Insurrection Dress Uniform

Star Trek: Insurrection

These were used in Insurrection and Nemesis, two of the latest Next Gen movies. Not bad, but it makes me want to tip them after they’ve taken my bags to my suite at the Hilton. Keep trying.

Star Trek Deep Space Nine Dress Uniform

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

I can dig it, kinda sorta. It keeps the same look as the First Contact uniforms with a few subtle differences. Admiral Daugherty also wore it in Insurrection. I’d wear that belt to work.

Star Trek II Dress Uniform

Star Trek II-VII

Lastly, my favorite of the bunch. It was awesome enough for them to wear the thing 24/7 and that included official functions. Going “casual” involved undoing the clasp at their upper right section of the uniform…this drove me nuts. Why would you have any reason to do this except to use the inside as a bib and reclasp it after you were done eating?

Star Trek VI Dress Uniform

Note that Kirk has gone “casual” which I’m sure is much more comfortable. He may as well put his feet up and call it a day at this point.

It does remind me of something else equally as epic. Add a hat, change the color of the uniform…

Star Wars Imperial Officer Uniform

All too easy…

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