Personal

What should a person do when they discover that they have a flat tire? How does one buy a house? What should a manager look for in a job applicant? What formula in Excel allows you to remove a set number of characters from a bunch of cells at once? What is the difference between an eighth note and a sixteenth note? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?

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Chuck E. Cheese’s has been around for quite some time. My first memory of the place was me getting sick on their pizza during my birthday party. It could very have well been the five life-size puppets that they had on this fake stage that activated every so often to perform a show. I don’t remember much, but I know now that it was probably the bastard spawn of something Stephen King and M. Night Shyamalan had created.

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It was roughly 8 PM when I decided to go upstairs and switch over to my pajamas when I looked in on my eleven year old son while I was passing by his room. He was by himself with a mess of Pokémon cards around him…and I mean a real mess. It looked like someone had converted eighty rainbows into one large alcoholic beverage, chugged it in five seconds flat, and ejected it along with whatever food they had consumed over the past three months onto the floor.

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About a month ago we took a trip to our local mall. We were hungry, so we decided to stop in at Wendy’s to get something to eat.

“Nice,” I said to myself, “no line.”

There was one young girl working at the counter and we quickly placed our order. She asked us to repeat some of our requests a few times, so I gathered she was new. No biggie, we’ve all been there, right?

Well, what happened next was painful to watch, and I really felt bad for her.

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It was warm that day. I may not remember the exact date and time I received the call, but I do remember that it was a warm day. Bad or unexpected news often hits you suddenly, leaving you in a state of shock that prevents your mind from thinking rationally and keeps your body from responding to even the most basic of command functions. As luck would have it, I was riding the bus home when I received the call so all I had to worry about was pulling the cord at the right moment to signal that I wished to depart. The year was 2005…and it was warm that day.

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“Awwwwwww, look at the cute wittle puppy! I want one!”

It usually starts out this way. People are so overwhelmed by the cuteness factor that they rationalize somewhere in their mind that they have the means to take care of the animal should they take it home with them. If you’re looking to bring a forever friend home with you, there are a few things you ought to know before you do.

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So, you’ve done the research. You’ve browsed various websites and retail stores. You’ve opened your wallet, pulled out your bank card, and cursed repeatedly as you watched your hard-earned money tumble out of your checking account. Now you have a couple of giant boxes sitting in your living room, gathering dust because you “don’t want to break it.”

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The writers and creators of Star Trek had a lot of damage control to do. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier didn’t live up to their financial expectations (surprise, surprise) and they needed to bring the franchise back…or at least end it on a more positive note. Nicholas Meyer returned to direct this film, which was met with mixed feelings. Having directed the rather pitiful Star Trek: The Motion Picture and the extremely successful Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, fans weren’t sure what they were in for. It turned out however that the movie wasn’t half bad…in fact the film turned out to be pretty damn good. It was the only Star Trek film to be awarded the Saturn Award for Best Science Fiction Film. It had a good mix of both humor and suspense. Leonard Nimoy had a hand in writing the script so I must conclude that it was all him. All credit therefore should go to Leonard Nimoy. Concerning anything. There is no other possibility. Resistance is fut…not logical. 

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I’ve decided to make a few changes in my life and losing weight was one of them. As a result, I broke down and bought an elliptical, crying silent tears as I watched part of my tax refund check bite the dust. For those of you in the market for an elliptical, I figured I’d share my experiences with this particular one so far.

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It was no surprise to me when I heard that this movie was coming back into theatres in 3D. With the way the entire franchise has been redone, rereleased, reformatted, rereleased, redigitized, rereleased, redone again with extra scenes, rereleased…blah. How many times can George Lucas cash in on the same set of movies? Turns out…a lot. Anyway, with Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace fresh in our minds, there may be no better time to take a look at why some people considered this movie to be a huge disappointment.

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