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What Was Dripping Down Christina Aguilera’s Leg?

February 6th, 2012 Leave a comment Go to comments

In case you haven’t heard, and judging from the amount of coverage this is getting you probably have, something was seen dripping down Christina Aguilera’s leg during Etta James’ funeral. What was it? Well readers, never fear, for I have the answer.

Are you ready for this? Get this…you’re totally going to be like…shocked!

“Who cares?”

Seriously. Why is this important? Why is the media covering this? Why do tabloids feel the need to devote half their magazine to this one piece of insignificant news? Do the Paparazzi have nothing better to do than be legalized stalkers? “Lookout! Charlie Sheen just wiped his nose!” CLICK FLASH CLICK FLASH CLICK FLASH CLICK SNAP FLASH CLICK! Please.

“Guys! It’s Kim Kardashian! My god! She’s walking!”

Look, it’s not like I don’t understand why it happens. There’s money in this industry. I get it.

However… I’ve glanced at People magazine to understand what the hubbub was all about. It turns out, it’s not really hubbub. It’s just one big stalker magazine devoted to gossip on the various people that you may have had a crush on ever since your last issue of ”New Kids On The Block” magazine.

This whole obsession over celebrities is backwards. Consider this scenario:

You’re a twenty-five year old male who has had a thing for your twenty-five year old neighbor for many years now. She’s caught you sneaking glances at her on several occasions and has avoided you wherever possible. You get it, she’s not interested and a little creeped out. Now, this woman who is annoyed by your interest in her, opens up her People magazine to catch the news on what Brad Pitt is doing because she finds him drop dead gorgeous. The pictures of Brad Pitt she’s looking at, keep in mind, were taken by people who follow him around regularly whether he likes it or not.

Moral of the story: It’s not creepy to follow someone around and to read about their private lives unless it is happening to you.

Some celebrities like the attention. Some don’t. Some have kids. Some have adopted half the population of another country. Some are nice to look at. Some dress like they just spent six months living with David Bowie in his realm from the movie “Labyrinth”.


To be fair, you’d lose your fashion sense too after watching this movie.

What some of us forget is that celebrities are people too, just like the rest of us. They also deserve their privacy. What some of these magazines and tabloids do to get ratings is extremely childish. TMZ ought to consider renaming their show to “Ewww, Cooties.”

You may gawk at this whole Christina’s leg thing and laugh, but how would you feel if you were stuffing your face at a fast food joint and accidentally left a giant wet fart that was visible through your white pants. We’ve all been there at one point or another…waddling like a penguin to the restroom trying to act as cool as you can considering you feel something trickling down your leg. Now imagine if someone took a video of that and put it on YouTube without your permission and it became a viral hit.

Not so newsworthy anymore, is it?

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