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StarCraft II: How To Win Every Game Guaranteed

February 15th, 2012 Leave a comment Go to comments

In case you didn’t know, StarCraft has been around for quite a while. It’s also a professional sport in South Korea. If you get curious and watch the pros play, you’ll quickly see that no matter how good you think you are, you suck. Well, no longer. I have a foolproof strategy that will help you climb to the top ranks in no time!

Starcraft II Diamond League

Diamond League: Get you some.

I like to call it, “Vince’s Ultra Mega Super Mega Monstrous Honey I Blew Up The SCV Rush.” Copyright 2012 and all that BS.

The first thing you want to do is pick Terran. Always pick Terran. No matter how much Terrans get nerfed, they’ll always be overpowered (OP). It should come as no surprise to the StarCraft vets that Terrans will always win. You see, the Zerg are aliens and the Protoss…well…they’re aliens too. The Terrans are better than them because, goddammit…USA.

The second thing you need to do is build an economy. Get those SCV (sp?) guy thingys going quickly and keep building supply depots to up your population limit. Trust me, I know my StarCrafts.

Starcraft II Resources

Resources are everything in StarCraft.

The third thing you need to do is pump out more SUVs and don’t ever stop. Trust me on this. I know what I’m talking about. I have a degree in accounting and the numbers just don’t lie.

Starcraft II Command Centers SCV

Build three or four command centers if you have to, just keep the KFCs coming.

Fourth, send a lone OMG down to one of the gold crystal formations and have it start harvesting. If your opponent is scouting, he’ll be intimidated by how confident you are in that you aren’t even bothering to expand.

Starcraft II Gold Crystals

StarCraft is 10% skill and 90% mind games. This will blow your opponent’s mind!

Once you have a full population of PVCs, it’s time to attack. You can always lull your opponent into a false sense of security beforehand like so:

Starcraft II SCV Smile

Extra points if you can get one of the eyes to wink.

Swarm the enemy base and leave no survivors. Should your rush fail for whatever reason, send in a marine or two to clean things up.

CSV Zerg Rush

Zerg Rush? Please…

I hope this little guide has added meaning to your life. Why are you still sitting here reading my blog? Go try out this new mind-blowing strategy, soldier!

  1. An actual SCII player
    October 1st, 2015 at 10:53 | #1

    Please, please, please, for the love of god, please tell me that this is a troll attempt. The very fact that you have no idea what the worker unit of Terran is called shows how this cannot possibly have been tested and worked. The amount of time it would have taken to build 200 SCVs is way longer than it would take for an Ultralisk or two to have been built, which would have been plenty for killing the SCVs. Most likely though, your base will be attacked by several roaches and entirely annihilated.

    • Vincent
      October 1st, 2015 at 11:53 | #2

      Oh, this is a very real post. I’ve played against several Emerald League players and won every time. Emerald, in case you didn’t know, is a secret level beyond Diamond that only a few know about. This strategy got me there and it’s all thanks to my wonderful SUVs.

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